whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
