I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
