My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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