I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
