If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just google imaged poop.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
