Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
