That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
