the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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