They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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