every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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