sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
