Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
