did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
