It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
