We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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