It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
