so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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