He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
