Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
