have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
