addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
