Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
