please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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