I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
