A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
