i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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