Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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