I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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