im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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