there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
