She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
