id be glad to
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
