I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
