I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
