I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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