I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We have so much sex to catch up on
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
