Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
