I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
