Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
