First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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