Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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