Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just high enough for therapy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
