why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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