Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
