just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
