idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
