sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
