Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
