I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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