Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just cropdusted the office
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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