she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
bring money and cleavage
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
