I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
