Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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