Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
