A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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