Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
