Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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