If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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