I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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