I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize