Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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