And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have aggressive nipples.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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