Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
