Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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