It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
