I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
