We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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