I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
