I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
