I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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